Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
