Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
