saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
