We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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