Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
