I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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