I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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