HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
