we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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