Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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