I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
