i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
