you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
