This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
These tits shall not be calmed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
