I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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