Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
