I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
