I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let's get the cat blown out
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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