I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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