be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
