Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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