if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
