why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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