shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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