clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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