A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
look no pants
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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