i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
