You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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