last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
