It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
