You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
