so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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