Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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