Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
