ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
