I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
