This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
