The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
