I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
