You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
