are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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