I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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