Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
