How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
