I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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