I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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