How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
