there's paper in my vomit.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
