you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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