She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she pinky promised me she was 18
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
