its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How naked do you want me to be?
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