If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
