You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
