Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
