Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
