The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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