i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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