i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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