You can't motorboat a personality
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
