i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize