New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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