People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
