he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
