i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize