is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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