at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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