What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize