I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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