i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
