Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
