I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
