apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
