You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
