Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
